Of banking, meetings and other crap

Revenue, EBITDA, PBT and PAT
Are margins growing, or are they flat?
Who are the promoters ? How much of the company do they hold?
Are they serious about the business or are they going to put it under the hammer and scream “Sold!”

What ‘s the company into? Auto, steel, infra or food & beverage?
Are the promoters competent, is there too much leverage?
Are shareholders making money, is there enough return on equity?
Or is the stock acting funny, with no semblance of sanity

Can they service our debt, pay what they owe
Should we believe their growth story, and forecasts of their cash-flow?
Do they have a liquidatable asset base?
Not that it may be needed but y’know…just incase..

What about the debt ratios, do they hold?
Is your gearing reasonable or will it make our blood go cold?
And do you have a credit rating from a reputed firm?
Whats the matter, why do we see you squirm?

What are you using the money for? Is there a plan at all?
Or are you just borrowing from Peter, to pay what you owe to Paul?
What pricing do you expect? Please tell me something other than “the best”
OK, you’ve asked for it, let’s begin the slug-fest

That my friends is a typical bankers “management meeting”
At the end of which you invariably feel like giving somebody a beating
Now begins the grunt work, stuff that nobody wants to do
Mindless work to paint a picture that’s too good to be true

Power points , documents and models galore
Endless meetings which are most often a total bore
In the end its like haggling while buying grocery
Not worth all the drudgery

Funny enough, all this doesn’t matter, at the end of the day
It always seems to happen the Richard Branson way
Numbers stop mattering, there is no rocket science to it
Somebody with the money takes a call and says “Screw it, lets do it!!”